Fake ID
by twilightsagalover28
Summary: Renesmme and Jacob get drunk and get married in Las Vegas! What will happen next? !
1. Seventeen Drinks Later

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

A/N- This idea was kinda randomly thought up by my sister and I added on to it!!! _**The title isn't permanent yet! As you may know all of my other stories have natural titles i.e. Falling Star, Meteor Shower, Skipping Stones, and Midnight. So if you guys could come up with a natural title of things that stick together that would be appreciated! Please review them to me!!!!!!!!!!!**_

A/N…Again- The flashbacks are in_ italics_.

Fake ID

Chapter 1- Seventeen Drinks Later

Renesmee

"_Can I buy you a drink?" A blurry figure asked me._

"_Sure…Why not?" I slurred_

_A free drink was a free drink and so far thirteen guys had bought me drinks. Jacob and I had drunk three drinks each. He was a little drunk by then but I couldn't get drunk so…the more the merrier. _

_That would make this drink the fourteenth plus the three I had with Jake so total it was nineteen…wait eighteen…no SEVENTEEN!!! Yay…math is cool. I giggled out loud. Hmm…maybe I can get drunk. I giggled again and received a weird glance from the guy._

"_Can I get an Everclear…" I told the guy with a smile._

"_Are you sure you can handle it?"_

"_No problem…I'm not the one driving home…" I giggled_

"_Fine…one Everclear for the lady and a beer for me." The guy called to the bartender "Put it on my tab."_

_The bartender handed us our drinks and without a second thought I chugged it._

"…_My boyfriend is." I waved my glass in front of him._

"_Huh?"_

"_Driving silly!" I exclaimed hitting him lightly. He winced…maybe not so lightly._

"_See ya…thanks for the drink." I gave him a thumbs up…ooh I have two thumbs._

_I stumbled out of the bar, into the casino, and crashed into Jake._

"_Hey sweetie…didn't see you there" I said tripping into Jakes arms._

"_Are you drunk?" Jake asked_

"_Of coarse not…look I have two thumbs!" I exclaimed showing him my hands._

"_Yeah…you are."_

"Nessie! Ness, wake up!" I heard Jacob say while shaking my shoulder.

"What?" I moaned groggily. I had a major headache; I really shouldn't skip school and go drinking. Well, who knew I could get drunk. I threw my head into my pillow while putting my hand on my cheek.

I felt something sticky hit my face.

I looked at my ring finger in shock.

"Why is there a Ring Pop on my finger?" I asked

"Uh…we got…uh…hitched." Jacob mumbled slowly and uncertainly.

"What?" I wondered still confused.

"You know…uh…married." Jake mumbled again but I heard him perfectly fine.

"Holy SHIT!" I screamed

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A/N- Yay!!!!! New story!!!!!! PLEASE REVIEW AND THINK OF TITLES AND DO ALERTS AND FAVORITES AND CHECK OUT MY OTHER STORIES AND PROFILE FOR PICTURES OF THIS STORY!!!!!!!!!!

Luv-twilightsagalover28

Hatake Nyra talking! So I randomly came up with this idea while skiing in Utah…My sister hates the idea of Jake and Nessie getting married because she just hates writing about sweet and lovey dovey moments. Everything HAS to be funny. So I was like fine they get drunk in Las Vegas and get married! And she finally agreed with one of my story ideas -_-

REVIEW AND HELP WITH TITLE NAMES THAT'S NATUREY AND STUFF THAT STICKS!!


	2. Never trust fake Elvis’s!

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

A/N- **Flashback/telling is in**_** italics**_

Chapter 2- Never trust fake Elvis's!

Renesmee

"I know you're upset because you have a Ring Pop as your wedding ring but I promise to get you a real one!" Jacob said frantically

"Oh my fucking god!" I shrieked

"I know! We get to have a honeymoon." Jake exclaimed and sat next to me, giving me a kiss on the lips.

"You idiot! We got married! And we were drunk! My Dad and my Mom and Aunt Alice and Aunt Rose are gonna KILL you!" I yelled while pushing him away.

"Oh…" Jacob muttered

I started hyperventilating as I thought of going home. My Dad didn't know we ditched school to go to Vegas. I had to think of a plan to keep him from doing anything irrational. Ugh…too much thinking! I still had a headache.

"Uh…let's walk home." I said

"Walk?" Jake asked in disbelief.

"Yeah…you know to get some…exercise."

"Seriously?"

"IT WAS THE BEST THING I THOUGHT OF SO SHUT THE HELL UP! I'M STILL HUNGOVER!" I screamed

"Ok…"

"It's all your fault! You let us get married! Don't you have some sense? I don't even remember what happened last night so give me some details."

"First of all I was drunk too." Jake started

"Barely," I muttered

"So after you showed me your thumbs…"

"_Hey, guys! You look like a cute couple that is ready for anything." A fake Elvis impersonator with a terrible impersonation said._

"_Like what…?" I giggled completely drunk._

"_How about getting married?" 'Elvis' answered_

"_I don't know…" Jacob replied, unsure._

"…_Why not…?" I wondered _

"_Yeah! Listen to the lady! It'll only cost ya 4,000 bucks! But since I'm low on business and your not sure I'll give ya a special discount of $75! And I'll throw in the wedding ring!! Sound like a deal?" The Elvis asked_

"_Ok!" I giggled and then passed out._

"So that's how it happened?" I asked

"Yeah…I paid 75 bucks for a Ring Pop ring and a crappy wedding." Jake muttered

"Your fault!" I said in a sing song voice but glowered at him.

"Well time to go home." Jacob nodded

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" I shrieked as he dragged me out of bed.

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A/N- HEY!!!!!!!!!!! READ MY OTHER STORIES, CHECK OUT PICS ON PROFILE, CHECK OUT MY COMMUNITY, ETC.!!!!!! O AND ADD TO ALERTS AND FAVORITES!!!!!!!!!! **YEAH I KNOW IT'S A CRAPPY TITLE FOR A CHAPTER!!! PLEASE HELP WITH NATURAL TITLES OF THINGS THAT STICK!!!**

Luv-twilightsagalover28


	3. Alice in Wonderland

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

Chapter 3- Alice in Wonderland

Renesmee

"Come on, let's go!" Jacob said in a strained voice.

I had grabbed on to the leg of the bed and I was holding on with my life.

"Come on!" Jake groaned

"Never!" I screamed as he dragged me, and the bed, bit by bit to the door.

"Come on!" Jacob groaned again as he pulled even harder, dragging the bed and I a foot.

"Wait! WAIT!" I shrieked

"Yes?" Jacob asked, irate as he FINALLY let go of my freaking leg.

"I just want to know…" I took a deep breath. "What did I wear at the 'wedding'?" I sped through as quickly as possible.

"Um…you wore…a light blue dress with white ruffles…" He stammered then pointed at what I has wearing. I hadn't noticed I was wearing it before and I screamed.

"Nooo!!!! Why?! WHY ME?!? Aunt Alice is gonna kill me! She's gonna kill you! OH MY GOD!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" I cried out

"Why would we die?" Jacob asked stupidly

"HAVE YOU MET HER?!?!?!?!?! She tears my Mom's feet off when she wears the ugly shoes! First I didn't let her pick my wedding dress! Then I wear something that…atrocious! WE ARE DEAD!" I yelled in a panic.

"Well you still looked hot in it." Jake said

"No I don't! I look like flipping Alice in Wonderland!"

"True…true dat." Jacob muttered

I smacked him on the back of his head.

"Watch it!" I threatened

"Ok, time to leave."

"Fine, but first I'm gonna change and I get to drive…oh and how come I got this dress to wear?" I agreed

"Well…I told 'Elvis' that you didn't have a dress and he gave me that one."

"If I ever see 'Elvis', I'm gonna kill him!"

"Whatever you want, Mrs. Black."

"NEVER CALL ME THAT! It's Ms. CULLEN to you!" I freaked out and tackled him to the ground.

"Fine!" Jacob grumbled

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A/N- Woooh!!!!!! UPDATED ALREADY!!!!!!! Please review!!!!! AND DO ALL THE OTHER STUFF THAT I ALWAYS SAY!!!!! THNX 2 ALL MY REVIEWERS!!!!!!

Luv-twilightsagalover28


	4. Delays

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

A/N- _**I KNOW THIS CHAPTER SUX BUT I'M SO DEPRESSED THAT I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT!!!**_

Chapter 4- Delays

Renesmee

It took me fifty minutes to change out of that horrid dress. It took me that long for two reasons. One was that I wanted to delay getting home for as long as possible and two was that the dress had freaking LAYERS! I pulled off the dress then underneath that was a thin layer filled with ruffles!!! It went like that for eight flipping layers!!!!

"What took you so long?" Jacob asked once I got out of the bathroom in a cute mellow green embroidery sundress.

"The damn dress had eight freaking layers of freaking ruffles!!" I screamed

"I can tell you're watching your language, you haven't said fuck yet and you've had so many chances too." Jacob joked

"Yeah, well Dad freaked out last time I cursed someone out in school and he took my phone away for two months saying 'I shouldn't know that language' and 'I'm taking your phone away for every bad word you said'!! He such an old man! And now I'm not allowed to say the F word." I ranted

"Wow! Yeah, but you just said it a couple hours ago." Jake chuckled

"I know!"

"Since you're done changing, let's go."

"Yeah, ok let's go." I muttered

When we finally got in the car, (I say finally because I delayed it for half an hour by 'tripping' and 'falling' and 'crashing into the wall') I started the engine of my silver Bugatti Veyron.

I started idling out of the motel parking lot. It took twelve minutes just to get out of the lot. So far I had delayed going home for a grand total of ninety two minutes, or an hour and thirty two minutes. Yay!!!

"Seriously! Ness, if you're gonna drive so slow, then I'm driving." Jacob finally flipped out.

"FINE!" I exclaimed as I started driving faster and picked up my speed to 25 mph.

"Faster…" Jake warned

"Ugh…" I sighed then speed up to 35 mph.

Jacob sighed but didn't say anything else. He knew that he couldn't get me to go any faster.

I turned on the radio to help pass the time. I would make this trip take as long as possible.

"This is Waking Up In Vegas by Katy Perry!" The guy on the radio announced.

_You gotta help me out__  
__It's all a blur last night__  
__We need a taxi 'cause you're hung-over and I'm broke__  
__I lost my fake ID but you lost the motel key__  
__Spare me your freakin' dirty looks__  
__Now don't play me__  
__You want to cash out and get the hell out of town_

_Don't be a baby__  
__Remember what you told me__  
__Shut up and put your money where your mouth is__  
__That's what you get for waking up in Vegas__  
__Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now__  
__That's what you get for waking up in Vegas_

_Why are these lights so bright__  
__Oh, did we get hitched last night, dressed up like Elvis,__  
__Why am I wearing your class ring?__  
__Don't call your mother__  
__'Cause now we're partners in crime_

_Don't be a baby__  
__Remember what you told me__  
__Shut up and put your money where your mouth is__  
__That's what you get for waking up in Vegas__  
__Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now__  
__That's what you get for waking up in Vegas_

_You got me into this__  
__Information overload, situation lost control__  
__Send out an S.O.S.__  
__And get some cash out__  
__We're gonna tear up the town_

_Don't be a baby__  
__Remember what you told me, remember what you told me, remember what you told me__  
__Told me, you told me, you told me__  
__Shut up and put your money where your mouth is__  
__That's what you get for waking up in Vegas__  
__Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now__  
__That's what you get for waking up in Vegas__  
__Shake the glitter, shake, shake, shake the glitter, c'mon!_

"Fuck this song!" I shrieked and punched the radio causing it to shut off and die.

"You slipped." Jacob pointed out

"Who fucking cares!?!?"

* * *

A/N- _**I KNOW THIS CHAPTER SUX BUT I'M SO DEPRESSED THAT I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT!!!**_ Please read my other stories and please review!!!!! YOU CAN NOW SUBMIT ANONYMOUS REVIEWS SO IF U DNT HAV AN ACCOUNT U CAN REVIEW NOW!!!!!!!!!! OH AND I HAVE PICTURES ON MY PROFILE!!!!

Luv-twilightsagalover28


	5. Home

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

Chapter 5-Home

Renesmee

It took forever to get home.

We live in Canada, somewhere in the Queen Elizabeth Islands. So we had to take ferries and jets to cross the water.

I stopped about two miles from our house, out of hearing radius from Dad's power.

"I'm gonna miss you." I whispered and gave Jacob a deep kiss.

"I don't think your parents will kill you." Jacob chuckled

"I know they won't but you on the other hand…" I trailed off, touched his nose like a baby, and drove home, yawning most of the way.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen!! Go to your room right now. Go to bed and we'll deal with you tomorrow." Dad commanded

I ran upstairs as fast as I could to avoid the rest of my family. I drifted off to sleep right away…to the sounds of Dad yelling at Jacob.

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A/N-This is a shitty chapter but I'm depressed about my least favorite holiday…VALENTINES DAY…so I cnt think straight!!!! The next chapter will be awesome!!! Unless I'm depressed again…lol!!!!!! Please review!!!!!!!

_**Most of you are authors, right? Well don't you feel good and appreciated when you get a review for a chapter?? I do!!! So please review when you like a chapter and let authors know they are appreciated!!!! Not just for my stories!!!!**_

_** Push the button**_

Luv-twilightsagalover28 (Tati)


	6. Alice

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

Chapter 6- Alice

Renesmee

"**WAKE UP**!!!" I woke up to Aunt Alice screaming in my ear and shaking me violently.

"Idontwanna…" I mumbled sleepily

"Get up! Get up! Get up! Get up!" She repeated over and over for the next ten minutes while jumping on my bed.

"Fine!!!" I screeched, giving in.

"Good." Aunt Alice said simply then stopped bouncing.

"What time is it?" I asked after I yawned.

"4:23 a.m."

"UHG!!!!!!!!" I screamed while covering my face with a pillow. "ALICE!!!! LET ME SLEEP!!!!!!!!!"

"No!" Aunt Alice huffed

"Why not?" I whined

"Because you got married and I didn't get to be a bridesmaid…or pick out your WEDDING DRESS!" She said in exasperation.

"Mhmmuhhmm." I mumbled incoherent words hoping that would be a good enough answer for her.

"Wait…what did you wear…?" Aunt Alice asked slowly and suspiciously.

"Um…I don't remember…" I lied

"Don't lie to me, Nessie." What the hell did you wear!?!"

"Mhmmuhhmm." I mumbled again into my pillow.

"It wasn't jeans and a t-shirt, right?" Aunt Alice wondered frantically.

I shook my head.

Aunt Alice let out a sigh of relief. "Ok, so tell me. I can't be worse then that."

"Worse." I croaked

"It-t can't be! What's worse then what your MOM wears?" She asked

I gulped and produced the 'dress' and I started crying.

"It's so damn ugly!" I wailed

"_**Ah!!! **_Don't let it touch you! It could be contagious! It's hideous! Throw it out the window to burn later!" Aunt Alice screamed and jumped away from it.

Aunt Alice grabbed it out of my hands and shoved it out my window.

"Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew." Aunt Alice repeated over and over.

"I need hand sanitizer!!!" She danced around my room frantically, touching nothing till she found the hand sanitizer.

"Ok, we're ok." Aunt Alice breathed a sigh of relief after dosing both of our hands in sanitizer.

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A/N- Its called Alice cuz its wen Alice yells at her!!! I hoped u liked this!!!! Please review!!! Sorry I haven't updated in forever!!! :) Please forgive me!!!! Here's a little…thing…for u to read.

_**Most of you are authors, right? Well don't you feel good and appreciated when you get a review for a chapter?? I do!!! So please review when you like a chapter and let authors know they are appreciated!!!! Not just for my stories!!!!**_

_**Push the button**_


	7. Burn, burn, BURN

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

A/N-** OK, I know I have 8 alerts on this story…so I'm expecting at LEAST 8 reviews!!! And I'll hunt you down if u don't and set off my evil kangaroos on you!!! **

Chapter 7- Burn, burn, BURN

Renesmee

"Ready?" Aunt Alice asked me.

"Mhmm," I mumbled under my mask.

Aunt Alice and I had spent a little over an hour flitting around the house gathering rubber gloves, masks, gas suits, and rubber boots and putting all of it on.

"I know we look ugly as hell right now but it's for our protection while burning…_it_." Aunt Alice shuddered most likely thinking about the 'ugly germs' that could get in her.

"Mmm," I mumbled again as Aunt Alice placed her mask on.

After it was on she grabbed a lighter and a gallon of gasoline and jumped out my bedroom window. I followed right behind her. I landed in a crouch and stood slowly. There, only two feet in front of me lay the ugliest dress in the world.

"Don't get to close." Warned Aunt Alice

"Don't worry, I wouldn't dare."

Aunt Alice dosed the 'dress' with the gasoline then lit it on fire.

The dress burst into flames, lighting up the cool, dark night…no wait…early morning!!

The warm light, cool air, and darkness was making me SO tired. I closed my eyes but they were shot back open when I heard Aunt Alice yelling.

"Burn! Burn! Burn!" Aunt Alice yelled while dancing around the flames.

I gave her a strange look and then she started laughing evilly.

"Mwahahahaha! BURN!"

"Uh…Alice…I think it's just ashes now." I pointed out

"Hmm, I guess so…" Aunt Alice sighed then extinguished the fire.

"Way to burn the grass." I told her

"Whatever, I just wished it could have lasted longer." Aunt Alice muttered, slightly disappointed that my wedding dress didn't get to suffer as long as she hoped.

"Tough," I replied as I pulled off my mask and gloves. Then I kicked off my boots and threw everything into the circle of charred grass. Aunt Alice copied me then looked at me evilly.

"What?" I asked eagerly

"I feel like burning something else!" Aunt Alice exclaimed

"Alice, come on. I know Jacob was an idiot and I know Emmett _is_ an idiot but you don't have to burn them."

"Not them! I meant the protective clothes. The gloves were near the dress…" Aunt Alice smiled

"Let them BURN!!!" By saying that I agreed to have Aunt Alice play with more fire.

Everyone in my family knew how much Aunt Alice loved burning things, especially clothes. Her favorite thing besides shopping is burning my Mom's ugly clothing and replacing it with cute things. See how she does two of her favorite things in one activity. But since Mom had cut some of her credit cards and lit some of her shoes on fire, Aunt Alice hadn't burned anything else of Moms. She had cried tearlessly over the ashes of those shoes for three days straight. Now I really don't get that since Mom wasn't mean enough to burn the shoes unless Aunt Alice had at least three pairs of each.

Aunt Alice dosed the gear in gasoline and lit them on fire too.

As the flames danced, so did we.

"Burn baby burn!" We yelled and screamed and sang over and over.

"I told you burning clothes is fun!" Aunt Alice clapped and jumped up and down.

"Then why did you stop?" I questioned

We were both yelling at each other for no apparent reason…at…5:45 in the morning. Fun!

Aunt Alice was about to answer but was rudely interrupted.

"What the hell is going on out here?!?" Dad yelled "You're going to wake the neighbors!" He continued

"Uh…middle of the forest, Dad. No neighbors…"

"Still, shrieking like banshees at five in the morning is_ not_ ok! Renesmee get to bed, now!" Dad commanded

"Whatever." I muttered as I walked towards the house.

"Alice! How could you allow this? Kill the fire and get inside!" As Dad talked he walked towards Aunt Alice and then tripped, and landed right in the burning fire.

I started laughing as Aunt Alice dragged him out and stamped out both the fires. First the fire on his face then the one on the ground.

"Smooth, Dad. Can't you see in the dark?" I chocked out

"There was a root…" Dad muttered into the dirt.

Hearing his lame excuse I collapsed onto the ground laughing hysterically. Soon Aunt Alice had joined me. As I stumbled inside, still laughing I met Uncle Emmett and Aunt Rosalie in the doorway.

"What's so funny?" Uncle Em asked

"Dad…haha…tripped…over…ha…a 'root'…haha…" I giggled and made air quotes.

"Wow…Eddie…but what happened to his face?" Uncle Emmett wondered. Dad growled after hearing that nickname.

"He fell into a fire and Alice had to stamp out his face!" I gasped

The room was soon filled with Uncle Emmett's boisterous laughing.

"There was a root!" Dad claimed hoping to stop the laughing but it just started another round.

After the laughter was done and Dad had stormed off to his room, I turned to Aunt Rose and Uncle Em.

"Aren't you two usually busy at five a.m.?" I wondered aloud

"Yeah, but you and Alice's screaming…distracted us." Uncle Emmett answered

"Aw…I'm sorry…where's Jake?" I gave him a hug then looked up at him.

"I would say sleeping but I doubt he slept through that." He paused "Smart, isn't he?"

"Huh?" I asked

"Found a way to marry you. Since Edward wouldn't allow you two getting married he got you drunk and then did marry you. Then Eddie couldn't stop him." Uncle Emmett explained

"No! I just wanted to get out of class! He didn't plan a thing." I said

"You know you could have ditched in the forest or something not Vegas." Uncle Em told me.

"Yeah…but I had five tests and two projects due…and we were doing that gross kissing scene in drama and we were doing fitness testing in gym. That means pushups! I just wanted to go clubbing and go gamble and drink." I gave him puppy dog eyes.

"Hmm…that is a good reason. But next time I'm going with you! How could you take the mutt and not me, your favorite uncle? You know how much I love Las Vegas."

"You're not my favorite uncle! I love all my uncles the same." I retorted and smiled.

"Well you're my favorite niece."

"Good, cause if I wasn't you would never be allowed to come to Vegas with me." I winked then said good night to all of them as I trudged upstairs to my room to try to get in a couple minutes of sleep.

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A/N- Liked it? Loved it? Hated it? REVIEW!!! Oh and…** GUESS WHAT?! STEPHANIE MEYER IS WRITING A NEW BOOK CALLED** _THE SHORT SECOND LIFE OF BREE TANNER_**!! CAN'T WAIT!! IT'S A NOVELLA OF ECLIPSE!! **THIS IS THE LONGEST CHAPTER YET! HOPED YOU ENJOYED IT!!!

Luv-twilightsagalover28 (Tati)


	8. Back to School

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

A/N- I'm so glad everyone liked the last chapter!

Chapter 8- Back to School

Renesmee

I groaned loudly as I heard my alarm clock go off. I had only gotten…27 minutes of sleep. Someone kill me now!

"I don't feel like going to school today!" I yelled

"Too bad, you're going!" Dad yelled back at me from downstairs.

"Ugh!" I threw my covers off and sleepily trudged out of bed. I put on a pair of black skinny jeans and a dark blue tube top with silver and black flowers on it. I slipped on some sliver flats that I would get hell about from Aunt Alice. Then I put on a necklace, bracelet, and earrings. I put on a black inset vest so I wouldn't be out of dress code. I grabbed my black and white tote backpack as I slowly stumbled down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Damn…you don't look to good." Aunt Rose pointed out and started working on me as soon as I sat down.

"Well I didn't get any sleep and I feel like I'm still hung over!" I huffed

Aunt Rose laughed as she applied blush, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, and lip gloss to my face.

"There! Now you don't look so tired!" Aunt Rose finished with a last brush to my bronze locks.

"So…you didn't wear makeup to your wedding did you?" Aunt Rose asked

"No, Aunt Rose," I sighed "I was to drunk."

"To make it up to me can I-" I cut her off.

"Make what up to you?"

"You know, not letting me do your makeup!"

"Ok, fine…what do you want to do?"

"Well I know it wasn't your fault so I want to…" She looked around then whispered in my ear. "I want to put makeup on Jacob while he is sleeping."

I laughed, "You could do that without my permission!"

"I know but…" Aunt Rose pleaded with her eyes.

"Hahahaha! Ok! But do it tomorrow!"

"Why!" Aunt Rose complained like a little girl.

"Because we have to go soon, you want anything to eat?" Dad put in then questioned me.

"No, I'm not hungry."

"Alright, let's go." Dad said and I was surprised he didn't insist I eat anything. Usually he forced me to eat something.

We all walked into the garage and I asked, "Who's driving?"

"I'm taking my convertible." Aunt Rose replied as she walked to her red car and sat in the driver seat. Uncle Emmett hopped into the passenger's seat and Uncle Jasper and Aunt Alice climbed into the back.

"I'm driving too." Dad said and picked one of his many cars, his silver Aston Martin One-77. Aunt Rose and Dad sped off towards our school.

I moaned in anger as I remembered I had homework to do. I pulled the work out of my bag and started working on it. I didn't get far before Dad interrupted me.

"Nessie, if I haven't mentioned you better enjoy the fresh air because you are only leaving the house to go to school for three months." Dad told me.

"Dad!" I complained

"My decision is final."

"Mom!" I turned to my Mom and pleaded her with my eyes.

She sighed. "I'm sorry Honey but your father is right about your punishment."

"Ugh!" I groaned as I shoved my unfinished homework back into my bag and jumped out of the car right when Dad parked the car.

"Wait, Nessie!" Dad called out and I sighed and walked back towards him.

"What?" I asked

"You're not allowed out except for school which means…"

"Ughhh!" I groaned again but tossed him my Bugatti Veyron's keys.

"Where's Jake?" I asked Mom.

"He stayed home to sleep, Honey. He's extremely exhausted."

"And _I _couldn't stay home to sleep!" I muttered and walked away.

The bell rang and I headed toward drama. I was a freshman, Mom, Dad, and Aunt Alice were sophomores, and Aunt Rose, Uncle Jasper, Uncle Emmett, and Jacob were juniors.

"Alright class! Settle down! Renesmee, John, Take it from right before the kiss." My teacher, Mrs. Voge instructed.

I groaned internally as I stood up and went to the front of the class with John. This is one of the many reasons why I skipped school, to avoid kissing John. He was a rude, sick 'stud' that really wanted me.

"And…Action!" Mrs. Voge yelled

We said our lines and he leaned in to kiss me. I kissed back un-eagerly. I counted out five seconds then broke away from him. Mrs. Voge always said that it had to be at least a five second kiss and something about that's how a good actor does it and stays in the scene and some other shit that I didn't care about. We practiced that scene about fifteen more times until the bell rang.

"I can't wait for tomorrow." John winked

I glared at him, "I can wait." I answered with a smirk.

"I doubt it, I know you liked it."

"In your dreams."

"You are in my dreams, babe."

"Great…" I muttered sarcastically as I walked to my next class.

"Turn in your essays." Mr. Smickers instructed once everyone was in class.

Damn it! I pulled out my essay which was really a couple sentences that I had rushed in the car. I was about to quickly finish up when Mr. Smickers grabbed it out of my hands.

"You had time to do this."

"But I was really sick yesterday!" I lied smoothly

"You could have done it before!"

"Before what? I got so sick that I collapsed and fell down the stairs?" I lied again

Mr. Smickers just walked away. He was my least favorite teacher! The rest of class I took the exam that luckily I knew most of the material, which I had missed yesterday.

The next class went pretty much the same. I got yelled at for not completing my work when I had "tons of time to do it" and retook a missed test.

Finally it was time for lunch. I grabbed a salad from the line and sat with the rest of my family who had there food as a prop.

"How are you feeling?" Uncle Emmett asked me.

"Huh?" I gave him a confused look.

"You know, since you fainted down the stairs yesterday."

"I'm doing fine, thanks."

"And how is your day going?" Dad wondered

"Shitty."

"Maybe you shouldn't ditch and skip school at Las Vegas." Dad said like this was a lesson.

"Psh! Please! Today actually made me realize how much I hate school so you should plan on me ditching again. Hmm…maybe I should go to Jersey…"

Dad hissed and I shrugged.

"To bad you're grounded." Dad smirked back at me.

"To bad your face got stepped on last night." Uncle Emmett interjected

I laughed along with everyone, except Dad.

"I tripped over a root!" Dad exclaimed

"Sure…" Uncle Em nodded sarcastically.

"I believe you did, Honey." Mom gave Dad a peck on the cheek.

"Yeah, and I believe that if I stand in the sun too long, I'll burn and explode." Uncle Emmett laughed

"Come on; let's not be mean to Edward." Aunt Alice said.

"Thank you Ali-" Aunt Alice cut him off.

"Clearly he was just testing gravity…it worked!" Aunt Alice broke out into fits of hysterics.

"I'm leaving!" Dad declared as he stood up. Then he started walking away.

Uncle Emmett took my bottle of water right out of my mouth causing me to choke and spill water on myself. Then he tossed it, opened, to where Dad was walking. Water spilled everywhere and Dad slipped, and fell. I burst out laughing and so did everyone, even Mom.

"Gravity still works!" Uncle Emmett yelled after Dad.

"This would be funnier if you didn't get water all over me!" I told him as I took another bottle of water and sprayed it all over him.

He got up and was about to pour water on my head when Aunt Rose pushed him away causing him to stumble and pour water all over Uncle Jasper.

Before Uncle Jasper could do anything, Uncle Emmett poured water on all of us. Aunt Alice and Aunt Rose shrieked at him.

"You got my clothes wet! These are designer clothes! All of us have designer clothes on and you ruined them!" Aunt Alice screamed at him and slapped him upside the head.

"Emmett…look what you did to my hair! And my makeup!" Aunt Rose hissed.

"I'm sorry babe!" Uncle Emmett said frantically.

Aunt Rose just glared at him. "Nessie, Rose, Bella. Let's go to the bathrooms." Aunt Alice suggested and left the table and floors dripping with water for Uncle Emmett to clean up. Uncle Jasper and Dad left a few seconds after us.

I walked into my next class late but with my hair dry and my makeup redone. My clothes were still pretty damp but I could live with it. When we had gotten into the bathroom, Aunt Alice pulled out a hairdryer, a straightener/curler, hairspray, comb, mousse, hair ties and hair bands, and a medium sized makeup box from her bag. I stared at her in shock and asked, "Do you carry books or school stuff in your bag?"

"Well I have a pencil…does that count?"

I just shook my head in disbelief.

Aunt Alice set to work drying my hair and combing it and making it look cute while Aunt Rose applied makeup on me. They then used the hairdryer to dry our clothes some. After a bit they had done everyone's hair, makeup, and clothes.

"Thanks guys!" I chirped as I had walked to class.

"Why are you late, Miss. Cullen?" I snapped out of my reverie

"Oh, um…" I couldn't think of a good lie.

"Hmm?" The teacher asked.

"My brother poured water all over me so I was in the restroom." I said as I sat down.

"Well I collected your projects yesterday. Do you have yours?"

"I'll get it to you by tomorrow. Will I still get full credit?" I asked and dazzled him.

"Y-yes, I hear you were s-sick." He stammered

"Thank you." I smiled

I always had this teacher tied around my finger.

After that class I headed off to gym. Yay…Not! I dressed out of my clothes and into my gym clothes then I headed out of the dressing room.

"Renesmee! You need to makeup your fitness test. Uh…John go help her." Ms. Noles instructed

Ugh! Why him?

John jogged over to me and we walked to the far side of the gym.

"First we're gonna see how many pushups you can do in two minutes." John told me

I got down and started doing pushups like a human would do. John lay down on the floor to 'see if I went down all the way' but I knew he was looking down my shirt. After that we did pull ups which John _had_ to help me up at first by pushing up my ass. We did sit ups, we ran, and lots of other shit. And John managed to do something inappropriate for each one.

Wow, I really hate school…

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A/N- I really don't like this chapter but…I hope you do so review! PLEASE! 3 3 3 I know people like this story so this is an update! OH! **AND I HAVE PICTURES OF HER OUTFIT AND CARS AND STUFF SO CHECK OUT MY PROFILE, DO MY POLL, AND ADD TO FAVS/ALERTS!**

Luv-twilightsagalover28 (Tati)


	9. Makeup

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

Chapter 9- Makeup

Renesmee

After getting back from school I went to my room immediately to go to bed. I had been thinking of getting some sweet, blissful sleep all day. I tossed my bag on the ground just as Dad asked,

"Nessie, have you done your homework?"

Screw homework.

"Nessie! Don't screw anything."

Screw you! I thought loudly and sarcastically, knowing he would hear.

"Renesmee!" Dad scolded

"I'm tired! Leave me alone!" I slammed my bedroom door and collapsed on to my bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

"Ness, Nessie, NESSIE!"

I was awakened by Aunt Rose shaking me and calling my name.

"What?" I said groggily as I flipped over and buried my head in my pillow.

"Get UP!"

"What time is IT?"

"4:45."

"In the morning?"

"Noo…in leprechaun time…Yes in the morning! Wake up!" Aunt Rose's voice dripped with sarcasm.

Why was everyone trying to wake me up so early! First Aunt Alice yesterday, now Aunt Rose? Ugh!

"I'm not getting up for another hour and fifteen minutes." I growled at her.

"You've been sleeping since you got home from school yesterday! Now get up lazy and come help me." Aunt Rose said as she threw the covers off of me.

I kicked at her, trying to get the covers back on, as I replied, "Help you with what?"

"Put makeup on Jacob."

I instantly shot out of bed.

"Let's go!" I went to my bathroom and grabbed as much makeup as I could hold. I saw Aunt Rose already had a lot of stuff herself. After getting my stuff, my video camera, and camera we quietly made our way to Jacob's room.

Once we got there Aunt Rose turned on the video camera and we crept in to Jacob's room.

Jacob was in deep sleep, half hanging off the bed. He was snoring and he looked so adorable!

I tiptoed over to him and poked him lightly in the arm. Jake didn't even react slightly. He was definitely in deep sleep.

I grabbed the video camera from Aunt Rose as she went through her stuff and pulled out bright red lipstick. Aunt Rose smeared the lipstick across Jacob's lips and then took out pink lip liner.

"Let me do it." I mouthed to her and we switched what we were holding. I took the lip liner and traced around his mouth but I didn't touch his lips, I did it about two centimeters from them so he was starting to look like a clown.

I took the video camera back from Aunt Rose and she took two different color eye shadows, bright blue and bright orange.

Aunt Rose applied blue on one eye and orange on the other. She then handed me purple eye liner and took the video camera from me. I knelt down next to him and put it on one eye. I started to do the other eye when Jacob rolled over. Now there was a huge purple line going across his face. I laughed quietly and drew a line of eye liner across his forehead.

I silently giggled and took bright red blush. I put on huge circles on his cheeks with the blush.

I stood back up, thinking we were done but Aunt Rosalie handed me the video camera and took out mascara. She did the heaviest coat on his eye lashes then cat eyes with mascara around his eyes. Aunt Rose took out sparkle lip gloss and dosed Jake's lips with it. She shrugged after a second and literally poured the gloss over his eyes so they were full of sparkly glitter.

I was trying my best to keep my laughter silent. I gave Aunt Rose the video camera, took out the camera, and I snapped a bunch of pictures. These would be perfect for blackmail later. I looked at the time, it was 5:30. Aunt Rose saw me look at it then smirked, an idea coming to her mind. She reached over to Jacob's alarm clock and ripped it out of the wall and then we quietly left Jake's room.

"What did you take that for?" I pointed at the clock.

"If Jacob's alarm doesn't go off, we'll have to wake him up late, and he will be in such a hurry to get to school, he won't realize he has all that makeup on and he'll go to school looking like that." Aunt Rose finished by pointing at one of the pictures we took of Jake looking like an idiot.

"Good idea!" I smiled

All of a sudden, Aunt Alice popped up behind us.

"How come Rosalie gets to mess with Jacob's makeup!" She whined

"Uh…"

"I know! How about if I get to mess with his clothes!" Aunt Alice squealed

"But you already got to burn my wedding dress," I gagged when I said the last two words. "And Aunt Rose didn't get her payback." I finished

"Puh-lease!" Aunt Alice begged me.

"Fine!" I agreed

"Now what to do, what to do…" She mumbled before entering Jacob's room.

I heard a squeal and fits of laughter coming from Aunt Alice. Seconds later she was outside Jake's room, on the floor, leaning against the wall, and laughing hysterically.

"He…haha…looks…hahahaha…hilarious…hahahahahaha!" Aunt Alice choked out through her giggles.

"I'm getting my camera!" She started to get up before I stopped her.

"I already got tons of pictures. And all of it on video."

"Perfect!" Aunt Alice praised me and Aunt Rose before getting in to another round of giggles.

Aunt Rose and I joined her soon after.

"Ok! It's time for me to dress you!" Aunt Alice exclaimed

"No! Either you choose to dress me or no prank on Jake's clothes." I waited for her response. She seemed to be thinking about it very thoroughly before she made a decision.

"Alright! Fine! I'll be figuring what I want to do to Jacob's clothes. Come on, Rose. Let's go." Aunt Alice clearly seemed disappointed that she couldn't dress me but both of them left moments later.

I threw on simple jeans and a t-shirt, being way too tired to do anything truly adorable. I went to my bathroom, brushed my hair, put it in a pony tail, and then applied lip gloss and that's it. Again, way too tired for anything else.

When I entered the kitchen, Aunt Alice threw me a look of disgust after seeing what I was wearing.

"I don't want to her it!" I told her. "But tell me what you are doing to…" I looked around the kitchen. It was just me, Aunt Alice, and Aunt Rose, everyone else was probably getting ready for school. "…Jacob's clothes." I finished.

"Well I was thinking of burning it all so he would have nothing to wear."

Uh-oh. Let's hope that's not the case. Aunt Alice does NOT need to burn more clothes. Once a year is too much but two times in two days…it can get out of control.

"But he could just wear his pajamas. So I replaced all the clothes in his closet with skirts and tank tops. And when he takes off his sweats and shirt I'll run in to his room and steal them, because obviously he'll toss them on the ground.

"But Jake would never wear a skirt."

"Exactly. So I also put girl jeans that say 'Sexy Momma' on the back and a purple v-neck that have an arrow on the back, pointing down."

I started laughing hysterically along with my Aunts.

"He won't even pay attention to what he is wearing! But only if we wake him up late like Rose said. I say four minutes before we leave." Aunt Alice concluded.

I was about to answer but Mom, Dad, Uncle Jasper, Uncle Emmett, and Grandma Esme all came down the stairs and in to the kitchen. Grandpa Carlisle was already at the hospital.

I tuned out conversations since we didn't mention our…little prank. Just a few minutes before I could yell, JACOB! WAKE UP! WE HAVE TO LEAVE IN FOUR MINUTES!

An agonizing thirteen minutes passed before Aunt Alice gave me the signal.

I sucked in a huge breathe and began to yell.

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A/N- PLEASE REVIEW AND READ MY NEW STORY _**NATURAL DISASTER**_! Read my other stories! ALERTS! FAVORITES! REVIEW EVERYTHING! _**AND DO MY POLL! **_I hoped you liked this chapter! Prepare for hilarity!

Luv-twilightsagalover28 (Tati)


	10. Looking Pretty

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight

Chapter 10- Looking Pretty

Renesmee

"JACOB! GET YOUR BIG ASS DOWN HERE! SCHOOL STARTS IN NINE MINUTES! AND THERE IS ONLY SO FAST WE CAN SPEED! YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES TO GET DECENT AND BE IN THE GARAGE! _**WAKE UP**_! WE NEED TO LEAVE IN FOUR MINUTES!" I shrieked at the top of my lungs causing several people in the kitchen to wince. Vampires' sensitive hearing can be a good and a bad thing.

I sneaked upstairs along with Aunt Rose and Aunt Alice. We stationed ourselves peering in to Jake's room through a crack where the door was left slightly ajar. Seconds later Aunt Alice dashed in to his room and exited with a plain shirt and gray sweat pants in her hands. Aunt Alice tossed them in her room and came back within a second time.

"Damn it." I heard Jacob mutter then let out a string of curse's that would scar a baby for life.

Before Jacob could yell and scream that someone screwed with his clothes, I ran down the stairs and yelled up at him,

"JACOB! YOU HAVE FORTY FIVE SECONDS! IF YOU AREN'T DRESSED, I'M GONNA SEND EMMETT AND MY DAD UP THERE. BY THE WAY, HE IS STILL PISSED AT YOU!" I smirked as I softly, yet quickly, climbed up the stairs.

"-uck," Was all I heard but it wasn't hard to guess the beginning. I heard rustling that sounded like clothes being put on before I ran in to my room to quickly put some clothes on for school. I tossed on a white shirt that read 'What the Hell', dark navy blue ripped shorts; see through black stockings with some design on them, and black boots with heels that reached just above my knees. As soon as I finished and left my room, Jacob exited his room.

It took all of my self power not to laugh at him. Aunt Alice must have left out slight detail about the shirt. It said 'My eyes are up here' on it with arrows circling around where cleavage would have been if it was a girl and pointing up.

"Good, you're ready. Let's go." I tried to sound as serious as possible as to not draw attention to the clothing or the makeup smeared across his face.

Jacob headed down the stairs and I got to see the arrow pointing at his ass which said 'Sexy Momma' across it as promised by Aunt Alice. Aunt Rose was in silent hysterics and if she was human her face would be bright red.

One of the best parts was one I didn't expect. It was Uncle Emmett's reaction.

First shock, then his booming laughter filled the kitchen, then he was on the ground, pounding it with his fists in hysterics, finally he was back on his two feet completely composed.

"New look? I haven't seen that outfit before." Uncle Em asked casually. I could almost see him sipping a mug of coffee.

Oh, shit. Uncle Em grabbed a mug from the counter. My cup non-the-less, and put it to his lips.

"Uncle Em! No!" But it was too late. He took a huge gulp of it. A millisecond later he sprayed it out, getting it all over Jacob.

"Gahh! N-needs a little blood." He coughed and gagged all at once. I laughed even harder just hearing how he said it as casually as if implying it needed sugar.

"Um thanks for that…but someone made all my clothes skirts and girl clothes. These were the only dude clothes so shut the hell up. It's only purple!" I smirked thinking that Jacob that it was only the _color. _He would be in for a shock.

Jacob almost reached down to wipe some coffee off him but I stopped him.

I pushed Jacob out in to the garage. I didn't want him to ruin his…look…by cleaning himself up. Everyone had already left for school besides me, Uncle Emmett, Aunt Rose, Jacob, and Aunt Alice. She had told Uncle Jasper to leave without her.

"No time! We're late! As much as I would love to skip drama and my kissing scene with John, I've already had too many absences."

"I hate that bastard."

"I know, babe. Kill him later. We gotta get to class and I can't drive since Dad took away my keys. Uncle Em, we need a bigger car than Aunt Rose's since there are more of us, you gonna drive?"

"You know it." He grabbed his keys and got in to his dark silver Jeep Trailhawk.

"Alice, you coming?" Aunt Rose screamed in to the house.

Aunt Alice popped her head through the door before responding, "Um…I'll just run there, I'm not feeling this outfit." She gestured downwards to her clothes then winked. Instantly I knew she was up to something because her outfit was great, as always. She was wearing a tight black skirt, a dark pink top with a black heart on it, and black peep toe heels. If I went on to list her accessories and jewelry, I'd die trying, if I could die.

"Alright, Alice." Aunt Rose winked back, getting the hint. We piled in to Uncle Emmett's car and took off, leaving Aunt Alice behind to scheme.

Some stupid accident completely refrained Uncle Emmett from driving quickly. We finally arrived at school, not as early as I had hoped to show Jake off, but early enough.

Aunt Alice was already waiting for us in the parking lot; a smug expression graced her lips. She had changed in to light blue, skin tight jeans, a pale gray-teal long sleeved top with pink roses, and matching peep toe heels.

She was leaning in to Uncle Jasper's arms, whispering something in his ears. He kept chuckling softly and then when Jacob stepped out of the car, his soft laughter turned into hysterics. Aunt Alice patted him on the back before making her way towards me and Aunt Rose.

"What's so funny?" I heard Jacob call towards Uncle Jasper.

"Alice…just told me a…funny…joke?" Uncle Jasper response sounded more like a question as he tried to compose himself.

"Wait till we get inside." Aunt Alice muttered with a look of glee in her eyes. This was almost as fun as burning things for her…Almost!

Just then the bell rang and we entered the school. My jaw practically dropped in shock.

Covering every wall and locker and door were posters of the pictures we had taken of Jacob. Along the bottom a caption that read 'This is how Alice, Rosalie, and Renesmee Cullen deal with revenge so don't mess with us.'

So this is what Aunt Alice had been doing as she stayed behind.

I turned to her, "How did you get the time for this?" I wondered.

"I did most of it but I paid some kids to do the rest and put them anywhere there was an empty space." Aunt Alice shrugged.

"Genius," Was all Aunt Rose could say as she smiled appreciatively at Aunt Alice's work well done.

There were other posters of Jake that also said, 'Don't forget to tell him how pretty he looks.', And stuff like that.

Then Jacob walked in to school, his grin instantly turned to bright red embarrassment then anger, as his eyes swept the room.

The entire hallway erupted in to laughter as he looked down to what he was wearing.

"Hey, honey, here." I smiled sweetly as I tossed him my mirror.

His face was priceless. First it was shock, then anger, then embarrassment, then it looked like he started to cry.

"There, there. Don't cry! You look really pretty today!" Uncle Emmett 'comforted', yeaah more like rubbed it in Jake's face.

"Fuck you, leeches!" He hissed at Uncle Em, Aunt Alice, and Aunt Rose, before stomping off to the nearest bathroom.

Five minutes later Jacob stormed out, the makeup smeared off and completely naked aside from a pair of boxers.

Yeah, this would be a pretty good day, especially since Aunt Alice's face broke out in to an evil smirk as an amazing idea came to her mind to torture Jake even more.

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A/N- Hey! Not the best but… REVIEW! Add to fav's! Check out my profile for pics and do my poll! HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S! No pranks this year but how's about a chapter? Please Review! I really want to get over 60 reviews:) And I need ideas for the prank Alice will do so please send those in with a review!

Luv-twilightsagalover28


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